An Open Blog to myself

Should you consider this….

Friday just past and the need arose to pay a visit to Urgent Care, hmm yep Friday night visit to a NHS facility, needs must.
I sit typing this with my loyal assistance dog (Ziggy) resting his head on me, reassuring me letting me know he is here for me. He is without doubt a lifesaver keeping me from the dark depths of suicide and supports me when I need him.

Jumping back to Friday, we all hear the stories that the NHS is at breaking point or in fact its already broken. I attend with my faithful assistance dog its early evening, calling ahead checking Ziggy can come with me. I walk in the seams are bursting the staff are visibly stressed. The noise the amount of people this is hell on earth.

Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) doesn’t tell you at what point its going to affect you or how but without doubt this was going to trigger me off. I checked in no problems Ziggy was relaxed, I was told where to sit. I walked across various number of people sitting down some with three or four family members with them. I looked for a seat there were none, I looked around Ziggy in tow plenty of people looking and reading out loud I am working please ignore me.

Waiting at the hospital

I could allow my blood to boil for the inconsiderate behaviour of those turning a visit into a family outing, I stood in the only space available. Vulnerable is the best way I could describe this moment however Ziggy was there supporting me. Within 30 seconds he acted did what he is trained to do, i mouthed at me and guided me outside away from the busy waiting area.
There is more I could detail in this and as with anything in my mind I could babble on but I wont, I just want to say I am eternally grateful to those who supported me through this. Years ago I would not have batted an eye.

I have severe PTSD I acknowledge this I want to remind myself of this and realise that as I feel defeated I have come a long way I am here. I have a long way to go but I will not be defeated.

R+Z

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